Space:  1999 – Everything Good in My Life

By:  tayryn & Monica

July 16, 2000




Mathias leaned back in his chair as he watched the Commander pace back and forth in front of him, nodding his head.


“I have to admit Bob, what you’re suggesting makes perfect sense.”  John stopped pacing and looked at him.  “Now I have to convince my wife of it.”


Bob chuckled.  “I’m sure you’ll think of something.”  He said.  “Besides, it is in hers and the twins’ best interest.”


John nodded.  “Well, she has surprised us once this week.”  John paused and smiled.  “Who would have thought that my stubborn, workaholic wife would’ve gone voluntarily on maternity leave?”


“I’m still in shock on that one.”  Bob said with a laugh.


“You and me both.”  John laughed as well; thinking about a few days ago, when she’d called him over to Medical and then informed him that she’d decided it was time to go on maternity leave.



                             **                                      **                                      **


John looked at his wife, stunned; still not believing he’d heard her correctly.  “You’re doing what?”


“Going on maternity leave.”  She said and smiled when she saw the dubious look on his face.  “And don’t look so shocked.”


“Well honey, you’ve got to admit, for you to voluntarily go on leave…” he paused and smiled at her.  “It’s just not like you.”


Helena nodded.  “I know.”  She slowly stood and made her way over to him; wrapping her arms around him.  “It’s just… after everything we’ve been through… and finally having you back…” she paused and gave him a light squeeze.  “I just don’t want to take any chances.”


“I understand.”  He said, his hands softly rubbing her back. 


She looked up into his face, into his eyes and saw that he did truly understand.  Suddenly an impish grin came to her face, lighting up her eyes as she began to giggle.


“What?”  John asked, an amused smile coming to his face as he watched his wife laugh like a schoolgirl.


“I was just imagining Bob’s face when I tell him.”  She said, dissolving into another fit of giggles.


John couldn’t help but chuckle himself.  “Well, as soon as you can stop giggling, we can tell him.”


“We?”  She asked, trying her best to reign in her laughter.


“Yes, we.”  He said and then grinned at her.  “Do you honestly think I’m going to miss a chance to see Bob stunned?”


Helena laughed outright this time, John joining her.



                             **                                      **                                      **



“You and me both.”  John repeated again, smiling at the memory as he headed for the door.  He looked back at Bob.  “I’ll see what I can do.”


Bob nodded and watched the Commander leave.



                             **                                      **                                      **



John approached the two women sitting on his porch and smiled.


“You’re home early Commander.”  Carolyn remarked, returning his smile.


“Slow day.”  John said.


“Doctor Koenig will be surprised to see you.”  Yasko said. 


“That’s the idea.”  John said and glanced around.  “Speaking of which, where is my wife?”


“She went inside for a moment.”  Carolyn said.  “But that was a few moments ago.”


John nodded and headed for the door, pausing to look back at the young women.  “Thank you both for being here and staying with her.”


Both women smiled.  “Not a problem Commander.”  Yasko said as she and Carolyn stood.  “Do you need us for anything else?”


“No.”  He said.  “And thanks again.”


They smiled as they walked off the porch and John turned and walked into the house.  He headed down the hall towards the nursery, knowing that’s exactly where she’d be.


He stopped in the doorway and leaned up against the doorjamb, an affectionate smile coming to his lips when he saw her.


She was sound asleep in the rocking chair, snoring softly.


John shook his head, chuckling to himself as he quietly moved over to her and gently lifted her in his arms, not noticing at all, the extra weight of her and the twins.


She woke when she felt his arms lifting her into the air.  She smiled sleepily at him and sighed.  “John?  What… what time is it?”


“It’s just after four.”  He replied, carrying her out of the nursery and into their bedroom.


“And you’re home?”  She asked as he laid her on the bed and then sat down beside her.  She looked at him. “Is something wrong?”


John shook his head as leaned over and pulled off his boots.  He undid and threw his belt onto the chair and then turned to face her.  “Nothing’s wrong.  Just a slow day.”


She gave him a look as he drew her into his arms, kissing her softly.


“Okay,” he said, seeing the look.  “I also missed my gorgeous wife.”


She snorted.  “Gorgeous wife!  Hah!  Look at me John.”  She gestured to her very swollen stomach.  “I’m anything but gorgeous.”


“Oh I beg to differ.”  He said, running his hands down her side.  “You’re pregnant, not fat.  And I don’t know about the other expectant fathers around here, but just knowing that you’re carrying my children…” he paused and exhaled deeply.  “Honey, you have no idea how much of a turn on that really is.”


She shook her head.  “You’re crazy.”


Mmhmm.”  He agreed with a big smile as he leaned in and brushed a kiss against her lips.  “About you.”


Helena smiled.  “So, what did you want to talk about?”


He grinned at her and shook his head.  “You know me too well.”


“After all this time I ought to.”  She replied and then reached back to rub her back.  “But while you’re telling me…” she trailed off, giving him a pleading look.


John chuckled, knowing exactly what she was asking.  “Roll over.”


She smiled and rolled over.


“I was talking to Bob.”  John began, kneeling behind her and moving his hands over her back.  “He had an interesting suggestion.”


“And what would that be?”  She asked, moaning softly as his hands gently eased the tension in her back.


“That until the twins are born, we should stay in town.”  He told her and felt her stiffen a little.  “I think it’s a good idea.”


“But John… there’s no reason why we should have to stay in town.”  She said.  “I’m fine.  In fact, according to my last checkup I haven’t been healthier.”


John regarded her for a moment as he continued to massage her back.  She was right.  In the two weeks since he’d regained his memory, Helena’s health had improved dramatically.  She’d started eating more; had gained a little more weight and her blood pressure had been staying down within normal limits.


“That’s true.”  He said.  “But we’re fifteen minutes from town and if you go into labor…” he paused and felt a cold chill pass through his body at what he was going to say next.  “And heaven forbid, something goes wrong…


He stopped, not able to continue, the thought to horrible to think about.


Helena rolled over onto her back and looked up at him.  Her eyes filled with tears at the look in his eyes; his fear of losing her.  She raised her hand to his cheek.


“Nothing will go wrong John.”  She said softly as he turned his face into her palm.  “I promise you.  Both the babies and I will be fine.”


“I know.”  He said softly, looking down at her and reaching out to brush the tears from her eyes.  “But I don’t want to take any chances.”


“I know.”  She sighed.  “So, where would we stay?”


He smiled softly at her.  “Thank you honey.” 


She smiled back.  “Well, we don’t need your blood pressure rising either, what with all the worrying you do about me.”


“Touché.”  He grinned, lying back down beside her and pulling her into his arms.


“So, you still haven’t answered me.  Where would we stay?”


“I don’t know yet.”  He said.  “I wanted to discuss it with you first before making any definite plans.”


“Well, there is that little room you have off your office.”  She said, thinking out loud. 


John considered it.  When they’d built the Command building, he’d had them add a small room, just off his office so that should they need to stay in town for whatever reason, they had a place to sleep.


“There is that.”  He agreed.


“But the more I think about it, the less I like that idea.”  She said.  “It is awfully small.  And I wouldn’t be comfortable sleeping there for an undetermined amount of time, knowing that the others aren’t that far away.”  She lifted her head and flashed him a lustful grin.  “The walls aren’t that soundproof.”


John laughed.  “Good point.” 


She settled back down against him.  “Short of staying with someone in town that’s close to Medical… I don’t know John.  I don’t know what to tell you.”


“I know.”  He said and then sighed.  “I don’t want to impose on any of the others either.  It looks like our only option…”


“Is that room.”  She sighed, finishing his sentence.  “All right.  Let’s just hope that the twins decide not to make us wait too much longer.”


John smiled.  “You are a remarkable woman Helena Koenig.  And I love you.”


“I love you too John.”  She told him, snuggling deeper into his arms as he pulled her closer.  “I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t.”


“I know.  And that’s why you’re remarkable.”


They held each other for a few moments, content just to be together.


“So, when are we doing this?”  She asked softly, already knowing what his answer would be.


“As soon as possible.”  He said.  “Is tomorrow too early?”


She nodded.  “But that’s okay.”


“It won’t be for long honey.”  He said.  “And it’s not permanent.”


“I know.”  She said and then pulled herself away from him.  “So,” she began, lowering her voice seductively, as she looked down at him with a sparkle in her eyes.  “What do you say, we make good use of your being home early?”


John smiled at her, his hands already moving to the buttons on her dress.  “You read my mind.”


“No.”  She chuckled, her hand trailing down his body, resting over the bulge in his pants.  “I read your body.”


John laughed as he pushed the dress off her shoulders.  “Like I said, I love you Mrs. Koenig.”


Helena’s response was muffled by John’s mouth covering hers in a passionate kiss.



                             **                                      **                                      **



It was quite late when John quietly eased into the bed, trying not to wake Helena, knowing she needed her rest; in the two days they’d been staying in town, she’d not slept well and he didn’t want to disturb her.


“I’m not asleep.”  She said softly, not turning to look at him, having finally found a somewhat comfortable position.


John slipped under the blanket and spooned up against her, his arms moving around her.  He felt her stiffen slightly and lifted his head.


Helena?  What is it love?”  He asked, pulling her hair back out of her face and leaning over to look at her.  He saw the tears falling from her eyes onto the pillow and grew even more concerned.  “What’s wrong Helena?”


“My back hurts John.”  She cried, her hand coming up to swipe at her tears.  “It’s been hurting all day.  More so than usual.”


“Why didn’t you say anything?”  He asked softly.


She tilted her head back and smiled wanly at him through her tears.  “I didn’t want to bother you.  I know how busy you are.”


Helena.”  He shook his head softly as he leaned down and brushed a kiss against her forehead.  “You should have said something.  I’m never too busy for you.  You know that.”


She simply nodded, the tears still flowing. 


“Would you like me to rub your back for you?”  He asked gently.


“Would you?”  She sniffled.


“Of course.”  He said affectionately, lightly kissing her shoulder before moving to kneel behind her.  He shook his head; “My stubborn wife.” He thought, not able to stop the small grin that came to his lips.  Just as his hands touched her back, she groaned and pushed herself up.


“Hold that thought.”  She said.


John watched with a slightly bemused smile as she headed for the small bathroom.  He settled back on the bed, closing his eyes, as he waited for her.




He bolted up in the bed, hearing the quiet alarm in her voice and looked towards the bathroom to see her leaning against the doorframe.  He jumped out of the bed and hurried to her. 


“What is it?”  He asked anxiously.


“I thought… gas pain… but it’s not.”  She gasped suddenly and reached out for his hand.  “My water broke!”


John looked at her.  “You mean…?”


She nodded and gripped his hand tighter, as she groaned loudly.  “I’m going into labor.”


“Okay, let’s not panic.”  He said, doing his best to stay calm.  He led her over to sit on the bed and then quickly pulled on his robe while reaching for his commlock.


“Who’s panicking?”  She gasped as another contraction hit her. 


John moved back to her, giving her his hand while he contacted Mathias.  As soon as the contraction passed, he helped her to stand and put on her robe.  He slowly led her out of the room.


The small staff that was working the late shift in Command looked up from their stations to see the Commander lead his grimacing wife past them on their way to Medical.  They all glanced at each other and smiled, listening to John speak soft soothing words to her, knowing that soon, the first children on New Alpha would be here.



                             **                                      **                                      **



Five hours later, Helena, breathing hard, leaned back against John’s arms.


“You’re doing great hon.” He said with a smile as he reached up and wiped the sweat from her brow.


“Glad… glad you think so.”  She smiled tiredly at him and shook her head.  “I still can’t believe… I didn’t realize… my back… labor pains.”


“I don’t think you were thinking like a doctor Helena.”  He told her, glancing at the monitor and seeing that another contraction was coming.  


“Okay Helena, here comes another contraction.”  Bob said.  “I want you to push as hard as you can this time.”


“You don’t  oh god… think I have been?”  She groaned as the contraction surged through her.  “John!”


“I’m here Helena.”  He said, holding her shoulders as she bore down.


“That’s it, keep pushing!”  Bob told her.  “I can see a head.”


“UUHHN!   Oh… GOD!”  She cried out, her knuckles turning white as she gripped the handles on the sides of the delivery chair; pushing with all her might, then fell back against the chair.


“I’ve got the head.”  Bob called out, glancing up quickly at Helena.  “One more push Helena and your first child will be here.”  He glanced up at the monitor and nodded at her.  “Okay Helena, you’ve got to push and keep pushing until I say.”


Helena nodded and reached out for John’s hand as the next contraction hit.  “John!”  She cried out, squeezing his hand and pushing.  “Oh…”


“I’m still here Helena.”  He said, still supporting her back as she continued to push.


She felt the baby slide from her body and leaned back against the chair, trying to catch her breath.  She looked up at John, to see him smiling proudly at her as they heard the strong cries of their first child.


“Bob?”  Helena asked anxiously.


“It’s a girl!”  Bob told her with a smile, holding up the tiny bundle.


John leaned closer to Helena, brushing his lips against hers.  “We have a daughter.”  He whispered, his voice choking with emotion.


“Our daughter.”  She repeated, her eyes filling with happy tears at the look of joy on his face.


They watched as Bob handed their daughter to the nurse and suddenly John winced as Helena’s grip on his hand tightened.


“Oh…” she groaned.  “Oh… already?”


Bob turned back to them, glancing quickly at the monitors.  “Looks like this one doesn’t want to be alone.  Okay Helena, you know the drill.”


Helena simply nodded and looked up at John who smiled encouragingly at her, squeezing her shoulder gently.


“I’m so glad you’re here with me.”  She told him, her face beginning to contort with the pain of the next contraction.


“I wouldn’t be anywhere else sweetheart.”  He said passionately and then glanced at Bob, who indicated that she should push.  John slipped his hands to her back.  “Time to push Helena.”


She groaned and her body strained as she began to push.


“That’s it Helena, keep pushing.” 


“What the hell do you think I’m doing?!”  She yelled at John, her hands gripping hard to the bed-handles.  She slumped back against John’s arms as the contraction passed.


“This one’s gonna be a little quicker Helena.”  Bob said looking up at her.  “I can see the head already.”


“Oh thank god.”  She breathed and began to grimace.  “I don’t think I can do much more of this.”


“Okay, you’ve gotta push and hold it.”  Bob told her.  “Hold it as long as you can.”


“I’ll try.”  She said, beginning to breath hard as another contraction began.  “UUHNN!  Oh… GOO… OOD!”  She grunted as she bore down and continued to push for as long as she could.  She felt John’s hands on her back, supporting her and could hear him encouraging her.  She smiled slightly through the pain.


“The head is out.”  Bob told them as Helena sagged back.  “This should be the last one Helena.  You know what to do.”


“Yes.”  She said breathlessly, nodding her head and then leaned forward as yet another contraction moved through her body.  She cried out as she pushed.


“That’s it!  Good girl… I’ve got the shoulders.”  Bob was saying, guiding John and Helena’s second child out of her body.  “I’ve got it!”


Helena fell back against the chair and John leaned in against her, his arm slipping around her shoulders as he placed a kiss to her temple while they waited.  They both smiled when they heard the new baby cry.


“Bob?”  This time it was John who asked.  “How is she?”


“Well, he’s doing fine Commander.”  Bob said with a grin and then held up the squirming baby.


“He?”  John looked from Bob to his son, to Helena and then back to Bob.  “You mean… it’s a boy?  I’ve got a son too?  We’ve got a son?”  Bob nodded and John looked over at Helena, tears in his eyes.  “We have a son Helena.”


She nodded, tears in her eyes as well.  “I heard.”


John leaned in and kissed his wife gently.  “I love you Helena Koenig.”  He whispered against her lips.  “So much.”


“I love you too John.”  She whispered back, smiling at him though her tears. 


Their little moment was interrupted as Bob and one of the nurses walked over with the babies.


“Would you like to hold your children?”  Bob asked.


“Do you have to ask?”  Helena remarked, holding out her arms, as both babies were placed in them.  She turned her head to look at John and saw him watching her with a loving smiled on his face.  “Look at them John.”


“I am sweetheart.”  He said softly, moving in closer to look at his children.  “They’re perfect.”  He kissed her cheek.  “Just like their mother.”


Helena was too choked up to reply; instead she leaned towards him and gave him a soft kiss.  Then they both turned back to their children and as Helena held them, John moved aside the blanket each was wrapped in so that they could count each and every finger and toe. 


A few minutes later, Bob approached the small family with some minor hesitation, not really wanting to disturb them, but knowing that the babies should be checked out a little further and that Helena needed her rest.


“I hate to do this.”  He said as he moved to stand beside them. 


Helena looked up at him, nodded and sighed.  “I know.  But you’re right.  They should be checked out a little more.”


Bob turned to call over the nurse to help him with the Koenig babies.  He looked back at them, but spoke to Helena.  “And then we’ll see about moving you to a bed, so you can get some rest.”


Helena nodded.


John looked down at his daughter, sleeping peacefully in his arms.  He leaned over and placed a soft kiss against her forehead.  “See you again real soon little one.”  He whispered softly, before handing her to the nurse.  He turned to see Helena doing the same with their son and smiled.


John turned to Helena when Bob and the nurse left the delivery room to bring the twins to the nursery and smiled adoringly at her as he moved to sit beside her on the edge of the chair.


“How you doing?”  He asked her, noting the exhausted look on her slightly pale face.


“I’m fine.”  She replied.  “A little tired under the circumstances.  You?”


“I’m… I think I’m in shock.  That was the most incredible experience of my life.”  He told her, Helena smiling at the awe she heard in his voice.  “Those two little miracles… you and I created… and you… you carried… inside you… and just now… oh my god.”  He leaned in and brushed a kiss against her lips as he became too choked up to continue.  He took a deep breath.  “I’ve always known you were a strong woman Helena, and seeing you go through this… bringing those lives into this world…” he paused again and brought his hand up to caress her cheek.  “I’ve always loved and respected you.  And now I admire you even more.  And I can’t begin to tell you how very much I love you.”


“You don’t have to, I can see it in your eyes.”  She said, turning her face into his caress.  “I’m so thrilled that you’re happy.”


“I’m beyond happy.”  He said softly.


“So am I.”  She told him, her hands sliding up his chest as she moved to sit up. 


“Hey, shouldn’t you lie back and rest?”  He asked, gripping her shoulders.


“I’ll rest better with your arms around me.”  She told him as her hands slid over his shoulders and she leaned in against him.


“Bob won’t like this.”  He told her as he slid his arms around her anyway, not about to let a chance to hold her pass him by.


She simply sighed as she felt herself being pulled into his embrace.  “Do you know how much I’ve longed to have your child John?”  She asked quietly against his chest.  “From the moment I realized that I was in love with you, I so wanted to have your baby.”  John felt her arms tighten around his neck, even as she lifted her face to look into his.  “And I have.  I’ve had your children.  And I am so… filled with joy.”


“As am I, love.”  He said softly.


“I love you John.”  She whispered, leaning in to kiss him, her hands winding in his hair, deepening the kiss.  “I love you more…”


Suddenly she went limp in his arms, her arms falling from his shoulders, her head falling back.


HELENA!”  He cried out, a feeling of dread passing over him.  Helena?  Come on love… talk to me!  Don’t do this to me Helena… you promised me you’d be fine!”


Bob burst into the room, having heard John’s panicked shout of her name.  “Oh my god!”  He breathed and then began shouting for his staff as he ran over to a frantic John. 


“Bob!!”  John said, not looking up from his wife’s prone form, his face contorted with fear.  “What’s wrong with her?  One minute she was fine and then… Oh dear god no!!  Helena!”


Seconds later the medical staff rushed into the room.


“Commander, you’ll have to leave.”  Bob told him, moving to examine Helena.  He turned to one of the nurses.  “She’s hemorrhaging.”


“What?  Bob what’s going on?”


“Someone get the Commander out of here now!”  Bob shouted.


Ben hurried over and grabbed John’s arm.  “Come on Commander.  Let us do our jobs.”  John tried to resist.  “If you want her to make it…” John stopped struggling and looked at him.  “You’ll wait outside and let us help her.”


John nodded numbly then and walked out of the delivery room.


Alan and Sandra were walking down the corridor to come and see the newest Alphans when they saw John emerge from the delivery room.


“Well,” Alan said with a smile.  “If it isn’t the proud papa?”


John looked up at Alan, his face white and a look of total fear on his features.  “Alan… Hel… Helena…” he said no more as he collapsed in a heap on the floor.






Alan and Sandra yelled together as they rushed over to him.


“John!”  Alan said, dropping down beside his friend, rolling him over and cradling his head.  “John?”


“Alan, what’s going on?”  Sandra asked worriedly.  “Tell me you saw that terrified look on his face too.”


Alan nodded.  “I did.  And there is only one thing I know of that can terrify John that much.”  He paused and glanced towards the delivery room.  “Something must be wrong with Helena.”


He looked back up at Sandra and they shared a concerned look.




They both looked down as they heard John moan his wife’s name, a tear slipping from his eye.


“John?”  Alan called to him, shaking him gently.  “John, can you hear me?”


Slowly John began to come around.  He opened his eyes and looked up into Alan and Sandra’s worried faces.


“Oh god!  It’s real… it’s really happening.”  He said softly and sat up, burying his face in his hands.


“What’s happening John?”  Alan asked.  “Has something happened to Helena?”


John took a deep, shuddering breath, fighting to keep a firm grip on his control.  “We were holding each other… after she’d had the twins…” he looked into Alan’s face, his eyes widening and a little smile touching his lips.  “Oh Alan… it was so incredible… seeing those two little miracles come into this world.  And Helena… god… she went through all that… wow…” he paused, biting back the tears that threatened to overtake him.  “She… she told me… how happy she was to have my children.  And that she loved me…” his eyes welled up with tears.  “And then she… she… oh god Alan… she just went limp in my arms…”


“You’re sure she didn’t just fall asleep on you?”  Alan asked, but knew it was a long shot.


John nodded.  “I heard Mathias say that Helena was hemorrhaging and then they threw me out.”  With Alan’s help he slowly stood and then walked over to the delivery room doors and peered in through the window.  He could see them still working frantically on his wife and felt his heart constrict.  “She’s got to be alright Alan.  I can’t do this without her.”


“Think positive John.”  Alan said.  “Mathias and Vincent are good doctors and Helena’s a strong woman.”


“And don’t forget, she just had those babies.”  Sandra said, moving to stand beside Alan.  “You know how much Helena wanted those babies.”


John’s head snapped around to look at them.  “The twins!  Oh god!  I have to check on them… make sure they’re okay too.”


With that, John took off down the hall for the nursery, Alan and Sandra on his heels.  Moments later, John leaned up against the window, breathing a sigh of relief as he looked down on his children, sleeping peacefully in their bed.


“They’re beautiful Commander.”  Sandra said softly, her hand on Alan’s shoulder as she peered in at the babies.


“Yeah, John.  They’re great.”  Alan said with a smile.


John looked at them both and smiled softly.  “Thank you.”


The nurse on duty in the nursery, looked up to see the three of them standing there and smiled as she made her way over to the door.  She stepped out.


“Congratulations Commander.”  She said.


“Thank you Paula.”  He said.  “How are they doing?”


“Very well.  I just finished feeding your son.”  She said and then looked at him.  “Would you like to feed your daughter?”


John hesitated a moment, then nodded.  If he couldn’t be with Helena right now, then he’d stay with their children.  He looked at Alan and Sandra.


“You don’t have to say it John.”  Alan said, putting his hand on John’s shoulder.  “I’ll let Tony know to keep minding the store.  And inform the senior staff of what’s happening.”


“Thanks Alan.”  He said and smiled at them.  “You too Sandra.”


They smiled and then turned and left.  John watched them for a moment before turning to Paula and said with a lot more joy then he felt at that moment.  “Well, let’s go and give my little girl her dinner.”


Paula smiled and led him into the nursery.  She had him put on a gown and then when he was sitting in the small rocking chair, she brought the baby over to him, along with the bottle.  She stepped back and watched with a smile, never imagining that the commander would be so good with children.


John gazed down at his daughter as she hungrily sucked at the bottle, his fingers gently tracing her cheek, moving up to finger the lock of blond hair on her head.  It was the same color as Helena’s and he felt himself begin to get choked up.  He held it back and looked up at the nurse.


“Could I have some time alone with my children?”  He asked quietly.


Paula nodded.  “Of course, Commander.  I was due for my break and was waiting for one of the other nurses to come and watch the babies, but I’ll tell her not to worry, that you’re here with them.”  She said and headed for the door.  She paused, resting her hand on a CD player.  “Would you like me to put on some music?”


John nodded absently.  “Sure… thanks Paula.”


“No problem.  If you need me, just call me.”  She said, leaning over the player and seeing that there was a disc in it.  She pressed play and then left.


He stood slowly, and moved the rocker so that it was closer to where his son was sleeping in the bassinet, not really paying attention to the soft music that began to play.  He sat back down and looked at his son, the dark hair on his head in total disarray and his hands in tight little fists. 


He looked back down at his daughter and saw that she had finished the bottle.  He gently pulled it from her mouth and placed it out on the floor.  He debated on whether or not he should place her back in the bassinet and decided against it.  Instead he reached over and carefully lifted his son into his other arm.  John gazed down at his two children, sleeping happily in his arms, totally oblivious to what was happening around them.


He sighed.  “I know you two have no idea what’s going on; that something’s happening to your mother.  And truth be told, I don’t know what’s going on either.”  He paused and continued in a softer voice.  “But I will tell you this, and it’s something I would only ever admit to your mommy; your daddy has never been so scared in his life.”


His son began to fidget a little, so John stopped talking and began to rock gently.  As he settled back in the chair, he became aware of the music in the background.  A new song was beginning; so he tried to relax and listen to it, hoping it would, at least for a moment, take his mind off everything.



How do I, get through one night without you?

If I had to live without you,

What kind of life would that be?

Oh I, I need you in my arms, need you to hold,

You’re my world, my heart, my soul.

If you ever leave,

Baby you would take away everything good in my life.


John closed his eyes as the tears began to fall down his cheeks.


And tell me now,

How do I live without you, I want to know?

How do I breath without you, if you ever go?

How do I ever, ever survive?

How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?


He sobbed quietly. 


Without you, there’d be no sun in my sky.

There would be no love in my life.

There’d be no world left for me.

And I, baby I don’t know what I would do,

I’d be lost if I lost you.

If you ever leave,

Baby you would take away everything real in my life.


<<Helena!!>>  His heart cried out for her.  <<Come back to me baby.  Whatever’s wrong, fight it and come back to me!>>


And tell me now,

How do I live without you, I want to know?

How do I breath without you, if you ever go?

How do I ever, ever survive?

How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?


He couldn’t take it anymore.  He slowly stood and gently placed the twins back in the bassinet and then walked over to the CD player and stopped it; bowing his head at the same time, the tears still coursing down his cheeks.  He turned and walked back over to his children, staring down at them through his tears.




John spun around at the sound of Mathias’ voice, almost afraid to ask.  Helena?”   It came out as a whisper.


Bob noticed the tears streaking his commander’s face but made no comment.  He knew how desperately in love John and Helena were.  “She’s out of surgery.”


John was about to breath a sigh of relief, but stopped as he realized Bob still had more to tell him.  “What aren’t you telling me?  What happened?  Is she going to be alright?”


“She was suffering from postpartum hemorrhaging.”  Bob said.  “We managed to stop the bleeding, but…” his voice trailed off.


“But what Bob?”  John said pinning the doctor with a stern look.


“We performed an ultrasound, to make sure there were no other complications and we discovered one of her ovaries, virtually covered with cists.”  Bob said.  “We had to remove it.” 


“What does that mean?”  John asked.  “She won’t be able to have anymore children?”


“It means that her chances of conceiving any future children is extremely small.”


John took in a deep breath.  He and Helena had discussed the possibility of having more children after the twins and he knew she wanted to have as many children as possible.  He sighed.  She wouldn’t like this news.  He looked at Bob.  “But she is going to be okay right?”


“I don’t see why not, but the next twenty-four hours will tell.”


“Can I see her?”


“In a few minutes.”  Mathias said.  “She’s being taken to recovery now.”


John nodded.  “Thank you Bob.  For everything.”


Bob just nodded.  “I’ll send Paula back.  By the time she gets here, you should be able to see Helena.”


John nodded again and then turned to look down at his children.  He reached out and lightly stroked both of their cheeks.  “Mommy’s out of surgery little ones and daddy has to go see her now.  Nurse Paula will be here to look after you and I promise I’ll be back to check up on you both; as soon as I know that your mommy is going to be okay.”


He heard the nursery door open and Paula walk in.


“Doctor Mathias asked me to tell you, that you could see Doctor Koenig now.”  She said quietly.


John leaned over and brushed soft kisses against each of the twins’ cheeks and then straightened up.  He turned to Paula.  “Keep a close eye on them.”


“I will sir.”  She replied.


John nodded and then left to see his wife.



                             **                                      **                                      **



John held her hand against his cheek, caressing her cheek at the same time with his free hand.


Helena.”  He called her name softly in a tired voice.  “Honey, come on, it’s time to wake up.  You’re needed here so badly.”


He gazed down at her, his eyes welling with fresh tears.


“I need you; the twins need you.”  He told her and then smiled sadly.  “You should see them Helena.  They’re beautiful.  And they’ve already changed so much in two days.”  He took a deep breath.  “Don’t miss anymore of this honey.  Don’t miss our babies grow up.”


He stopped when he heard someone approaching.  He glanced over his shoulder to see Alan step around the partition.


“No change?”  Alan asked softly.


“None.”  John replied unhappily.  “I don’t understand it Alan.  Bob’s done all he can; run every test he can think of and still it hasn’t explained why she’s in a coma.”


Alan watched as John placed her hand back on the bed and rubbed his face with his own hands before running his fingers through his hair.


“Hey, John.  Why don’t you go get some rest?”  Alan suggested.  “I’ll stay here with her.”


John shook his head.  “No.”


“John, you’ve been awake for almost three days.”  Alan said.  “You need to rest.”


“I’ll rest when I know my wife is okay; when I see her open her beautiful green eyes and smile at me.”  He told Alan, and looked up at him.  “And don’t even think of trying to get Bob to get me to rest… he’s already tried.”


Alan sighed.  “Would you like me to look in on the twins for you?”


“I did a little while ago, when Bob was looking in on Helena.”  John said.  “But, I’d be grateful if you did anyway.”


Alan put his hand on John’s shoulder.  “Not a problem.”


John turned back to his wife, not bothering to watch Alan leave.  He moved the chair he was sitting on closer to her bed.  He reached out and ran his fingers through her hair before leaning in closer to her.


He brushed his lips over hers then moved them down to whisper in her ear.  “You have to come back to me my love.  Remember… in each other’s arms.  And we’re not in each other’s arms Helena.  So please wake up.  Come back to me.”


He brought his lips back to hers, kissing her gently before laying his head on her chest, listening to her heartbeat, clutching her right hand tightly in his.



                             **                                      **                                      **



As she slowly drifted towards consciousness, she became aware of a weight on her body, something holding her down, preventing her from moving.  She tried to open her eyes, moaning softly at the bright intensity of the light and clamped them shut again.  A few moments later, she tried again, this time succeeding, although she was squinting.  As soon as she could focus, she glanced down.  A smile came to her lips.


“John.”  It was barely audible.


She brought her left hand up and stroked the back of his head, while leaning her head forward to place her lips against his forehead, while her other hand, which was clasped firmly in his, squeezed his.


“John.”  This time a little louder.


He stirred.  Helena.”  He murmured, squeezing her hand.


“I’m here love.”  She called to him softly, moving her lips against him. 


John felt her lips on his forehead and thought he was dreaming as he lifted his head and looked down into her smiling face.


“Please tell me I’m not dreaming.”  He begged softly, his eyes brimming with tears.  “Tell me you’re really awake.”


“You’re not dreaming.”  She said softly. 


John exhaled deeply, before leaning in to press a loving kiss against her lips, then buried his face in her neck, as he was suddenly too overcome with emotion to do anything else.  Helena’s arms went around him, and she held him tightly as he sobbed.


“I thought I was going to lose you.”  He breathed against her neck, his tears falling into her hair.  “I have never been so scared in my life.”


Helena didn’t say a word; she simply stoked his hair and rubbed his back as he continued to cry.  After a few minutes, his crying stopped and Helena noticed the change in his breathing.  She smiled softly, knowing just by the pattern of his breathing that he’d fallen asleep.  She glanced down; he was sleeping.


She heard a sound at the partition and looked up to see Alan standing there, a smile on his face.  She put her finger to her lips, indicating that he should be quiet.  Alan nodded as he moved in closer.


“Welcome back.”  He said quietly and then gestured out towards the main area.  “I’m going to get Bob.”


Helena nodded.  “Just make sure to tell him to keep it down.”  She whispered.


Alan nodded and Helena watched him leave.  She looked down at John.  He was half sitting in the chair and half lying across her.


“That can’t be comfortable.”  She thought and looked at his face.  Even sleeping she could see how tired and withdrawn his features were.  “Just how long have I been asleep?”  She wondered, suddenly remembering John’s reaction when she opened her eyes.  “My babies?  Oh how are my babies?”


Bob came around the corner and scowled slightly when he saw John draped across Helena.  He was going to make a comment, but the look Helena was giving him stopped him.  He walked over to her and asked her in a low voice.  “How are you feeling?”


“Tired.  Stiff.  A little sore.”  She answered, placing her hand over John’s ear so that their conversation wouldn’t disturb him.  “What happened Bob?  How long have I been asleep?”


“Postpartum hemorrhaging.” He said simply, knowing she’d understand.  “You’ve been in a coma for the last two days.”


“Two days?”  She repeated and glanced down at John.  “Has he been here the whole time?”


“For the most part.”  Bob nodded.  “And when he wasn’t here, he was with the twins.”


Helena smiled and felt a small measure of relief pass over her.  “That’s good to hear.  Has he slept any?”


“I’ve caught him dozing a few times, but never for long.”  Bob said.  “He’s been extremely worried about you.”


Helena nodded and brought her other hand up to stroke his cheek affectionately.  John opened his eyes, looked up at her and smiled.  She smiled back.


“Sorry.”  He said softly, lifting his face to hers and lightly kissing her.  “I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.  Literally.”


“It’s alright.”  She said, her hand still on his cheek.  “Bob’s been telling me that you haven’t slept in three days.”


John looked over and noticed Bob standing on the opposite side of the bed and straightened up.  He looked at Bob, a question in his eyes.  Bob shook his head.


Helena saw the look pass between them.  “What is it you’re not telling me?  Is something wrong with the babies?”


“No.”  John said immediately, grabbing her hand and squeezing it gently.  “The twins are perfectly fine.”


“Then what is it?  I know there’s something else.”


Bob regarded her and knew he had to tell her about the rest of the operation, but wasn’t quite sure how to do it without upsetting her.  He glanced at John, then back to her. “Helena.”  He began.  “There’s something else you should know.”  He paused.  “Once we got the bleeding stopped, we performed an ultrasound.”


Helena swallowed.  “What did you find?”


“Your left ovary was covered in cists.  We had to remove it.”


She let out a deep breath.  “Oh…” She looked at John, tears in her eyes.  She knew Bob had done what he had to, but she also knew that with one ovary, and at her age, her chances of conceiving more children had just gone down even more.   


“I’m sorry Helena.”  Bob said.


“There’s no reason to apologize Bob.  You did what you had to do.”  She said.  “I understand.”


Bob turned to John.  “I have to check her over, make sure she’s okay.”


John nodded, knowing he was being asked politely to leave.  “I’ll go tell the twins the good news.”  He stood and leaned over his wife, brushing her lips with his own.  “Tell them their mommy’s back.”


Helena smiled at him, and John nodded at the question in her eyes.


“I’ll be back shortly.”  He told her.


“I’ll be here.”  She replied.


He smiled then turned and headed for the nursery.



                             **                                      **                                      **



Half an hour later, John and Helena sat curled together on the hospital bed, their children cradled between them.


“They’re so beautiful.”  Helena said, taking in a deep breath.  “And they’ve changed so much already.”


John looked up at his wife, hearing the mixture of joy and sadness in her voice.  He reached out and clasped her hand.  “Just think about all the days you’re going to be here to see them grow and change, don’t think about the two you missed.  That wasn’t your fault.”


Helena returned his squeeze and looked over at him.  “I know… you’re right.”  She paused and looked back down at the sleeping babies.  “So, have you given any thoughts as to what we should name these two?”


John shook his head.  “To be quite honest, no I haven’t.  Well, at least not in the past two days.”  He paused.  “What about that one name you suggested there a month ago?”


“John, could you be a little more specific.  You know… pregnant lady… memory lapses…” she chuckled.


John chuckled as well.  “Jocelyn I believe it was.”  He said.  “I liked that name.”


“Jocelyn Koenig.”  Helena said trying it out.  She smiled up at him and nodded.  “What about a middle name?”


Uhm… oh I know, what about Barbara?”  He suggested.


“Barbara?”  She asked.  “Where’d you get that name from?”


“It’s the name of my favorite actress back on earth.”  He said.  “She sort of looks like you, only you’re much more beautiful.”


Helena smiled.  “Thank you.  Jocelyn Barbara Koenig.”  Her smile grew.  “I like it.”  She paused and looked down at the babies.  “And what of our son?  John junior?”


John shook his head.  “No.  No junior.  I don’t want to saddle him with being a junior.”


Helena nodded understandingly and then they both fell silent as they thought about it.




They said it together and smiled.


“Victor.”  Helena repeated and nodded.  “He was partly responsible for the two of us getting together.”


John nodded.  “Yes he was.  I can think of no better way to honor his memory.”


“Me either.”  She said.  “And for his middle name… Jonathan?”


John chuckled.  “You’re bound and determined to have my name in there in some form aren’t you?”


She laughed and nodded.


“Victor Jonathan Koenig.”  He said and then nodded.  “All right.”


Helena leaned over and kissed his cheek.  “Thank you honey.”


Aagh.  You know I can’t refuse you anything.”


Helena just smiled lovingly at him as she laid her head on his shoulder, giving a small contented sigh.  John rested his cheek against her hair and brought her hand up to his lips.


“Thank you Helena.”  He said softly. 


“For what?”  She asked.


“For making me the happiest man in the world.”  He said, turning his head to press a kiss into her hair.  “For loving me; for being my wife and for giving me these two perfect children.”


When she didn’t say anything after a couple of minutes, John raised his head and slipped his hand under her chin, raising her face to his.


“Hey, what are the tears for?” 


“I’m sorry John.”  She whispered, taking in a ragged breath.


John was about to ask her what for, when he looked into her eyes.  He slowly pulled himself away from her, cradling Victor in his arms.  He stood and placed him in the nearby bassinet.  He then reached over and took Jocelyn from her arms, placing her beside her brother.


He sat back on the bed and wrapped his arms around his wife, pulling her close.  Helena went into his embrace, laying her head against his chest, her tears falling harder now.


Sssh.  Don’t cry honey.”  He said softly.  “There’s no reason for it.”


“I want… so badly to give you… more children.”  She cried, her hands clenching his shirt.  “And now…”


“I know.”  He told her, stroking her hair.  “And I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about the possibility of us having more children after the twins.”  He paused and tilted her face up so he could look in her eyes.  “Besides, you and I both know, there is a possibility that we could still have more children.”


“A very slim possibility.”  She said.  “John, I’m forty-five years old.  Just the fact that I managed to get pregnant as quickly as I did with the twins is a miracle.  And now… with only one ovary…” 


John brushed the tears off her cheeks.  “It means we just get to have more fun trying.”  She couldn’t help but smile at him at that.  Helena, we have two beautiful children; a boy and a girl; one of each.  If we never have anymore, that’s fine.  I’m very happy with the two we do have.”  He paused.  “And I’m even happier that their mother is still here with us.”


Helena looked into his eyes.  “You’re not… disappointed… that we might not have…?”


“I told you months ago… if we have children, wonderful!  If we don’t, then I get to devote my life to spoiling you.”  He said and slipped his hands into her hair.  “We have two children.  I am far from disappointed and I still plan on spoiling you.”


She could see the truth in his eyes; hear it in his voice and released a shuddering breath and told him softly.  “I love you.”


“I love you too.”  He replied, leaning in, their lips meeting in a loving kiss.


When they pulled apart, they both suddenly yawned.  Helena smiled at him.


“Slip off your boots and climb under this blanket with me.”  She told him.


“Are you sure?”  He asked.  “What about the surgery?”


“As long as we’re careful, I’ll be fine.”  She said.  “I want to sleep in your arms.”


“You know what Bob will say.” He said even as he began to kick his boots off.


“I don’t care.”  She said, yawning again.  “I’m the CMO here and I want to sleep in my husband’s arms.”


John smiled at her; he stood, checked to make sure the twins were okay and still sleeping, then lifted the blanket and slipped under it.  He lay back and Helena settled carefully against him, sighing happily as his arms went around her.


“I love you John.”  She said softly against his chest.


“I love you too Helena.  With all my heart.”  He replied, kissing the top of her head.


Within moments they were sound asleep, holding tightly to each other.






** the song John listens to:

“How Do I Live”

Sung by LeAnn Rimes




back to The New Alpha Saga...