Disclaimer: they’re not mine.
Summary: a Missing Moment from ‘Kitty’s Love Affair’. What *I* believe SHOULD have happened.
Thanks, as always, to Jaya for the beta!
Kitty stepped up onto the boardwalk outside the Marshal’s office and paused to peer in the window. Spotting the object of her search sitting at the table, she took a steadying breath and continued on to the door.
Matt looked up from the papers he was only half-heartedly working on as the door opened to see Kitty step into the office. A moment of awkward tension, something neither had felt with each other in well over a decade, filled the air as their eyes met.
“You got a minute, Matt?” Kitty asked after the small pause.
Kitty closed the door then moved to stand beside the table. “I need some answers. The scales are gettin’ all out of whack. It’s hard to throw away eighteen years.”
“Yeah…” Matt replied with a slight nod, his eyes never leaving her face.
“I know what that badge means to you… to this town… to everyone, but I’m thinking of us. I was just a kid when we met, Matt, and I was gonna live forever. I knew how things had to be with us, and it was all right. But I thought that someday, some far off someday, things would change. And, Matt, my somedays are almost gone,” Kitty paused, swallowed then continued. “I guess what I’m asking, is for you to te…tell me to say no to Will Stambridge.”
“Kitty, you know how I feel,” Matt told her. “But that’s a decision you’re gonna have to make yourself.”
Kitty nodded sadly. “I know, Matt. I know…”
Their eyes held for several minutes, and two decades of shared memories passed between them. From their first kiss to their last argument… each moment in their mutual history, combined with the events of the last few days, serving to bring a deeper sense of melancholy to their hearts.
With a soft sigh, Kitty finally broke their visual connection and, without another word, turned to leave the office.
As Matt watched her, a sudden and acute pain sliced through his heart, and he realized that he couldn’t let her leave. In the same heartbeat, he was struck with a moment of clarity and he realized that his strong woman, who had more sand then most men he knew, had already made her decision… but that she needed to hear the words… his words… from him.
Kitty pulled the door open then jumped when Matt’s large hand suddenly appeared and pushed the door closed. She gasped when she felt his other arm snake around her waist and pull her back against his hard chest.
“Say no to Stambridge, Kitty,” Matt spoke into her auburn curls.
“…Matt…” Kitty whispered his name as her eyes filled with tears.
“Say no to him… I want you to say no to him,” Matt told her as he dropped his hand from the door and wrapped his arm around her. “I NEED you to say no to him.” He lowered his forehead to rest against the top of her head and shook it. “I still can’t promise you a someday, Kitty. Lord knows I want to… but… I can’t. Not yet. I’m not ready to take this badge off… and I’m not sure I ever will be. And maybe I’m being selfish, but I don’t want you to go with Stambridge… even though I know he can probably give you everything I can’t. Everything you deserve… and need or want…”
“YOU are all I want AND need…” Kitty replied in a shaky voice. She leaned back into him. “And all those other things; a home, children… if they’re meant to be… I want them with you, Matt. No one else…”
Matt closed his eyes as he whispered, “You deserve so much better…”
“Better than what? Better than a man who treats me with respect? A man who lets me be myself, be my own woman and loves me in spite of my past? Better than a man who is strong, with an unbendable sense of duty and honour and who possesses the gentlest soul I have ever known?” Kitty paused and turned her face towards him. “Money, while nice, isn’t everything, Matt… and it can’t buy happiness. Not real happiness anyway. And you, Cowboy, make me happy.”
“Do I really? With everything you’ve gone through over the years because of me… how can you say that?”
“Because it’s the truth,” Kitty replied. “The good times have far outweighed the bad…” her voice dropped to a soft whisper, “…even now…”
His arms tightened around her. “…Kitty…” his voice was softer than a whisper as he lowered his mouth to hers. She moaned and her hand snaked up to curl around the back of his head as she returned the gentle caress. As they continued to kiss, Kitty slowly turned in Matt’s embrace and pressed her body against his as they deepened the kiss.
Lips parted under lips and tongues met in an intimate dance of flavour and sensation. The kiss quickly grew in intensity as Matt pulled Kitty closer. He lifted her off the floor and backed her up against the office door. Kitty’s hands fisted in his thick curls as she thrust her tongue deep into his mouth, his taste flooding her senses and enflaming her desire. She felt the appreciative groan rumble through his body, and answered in kind as he slid a hand down to grip her thigh and pulled her leg up and pushed his body harder against hers.
Suddenly, Matt broke off the kiss and rested his forehead against hers. Their breaths mingling as they each sought to drag more air into their lungs.
“I…” Kitty drew in a breath. “I should…” she gestured slightly with her head in the general direction of her saloon.
“Will you be over later?”
Matt shook his head. “No.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to,” Matt told her, a small smile softening his face as he brought his hand up to cup her cheek. “Surely you can feel that?”
Kitty nodded. Yes, she could feel it. The rapid pounding of his heart in his chest… his arousal, hard and throbbing, pressing insistently against her stomach… yes, she could feel how much he wanted to. She questioned him with her eyes.
“I told you what I wanted, Kitty,” Matt replied. “I don’t want you to go with Stambridge… but in the end, no matter what I want, it’s still your decision to make.”
She smiled in understanding at all he didn’t say.
Matt merely smiled in return and gave her a slight nod then stepped back, allowing her to move away from the door. He opened the door, gesturing for her to go first then followed her out into the night.
Kitty turned back to him and laid her hand on his chest. She glanced around, and satisfied that no one was about to see them; Kitty rose up on her toes and brushed a quick kiss over his mouth. “Sleep well, Matt.”
“You too, Kitty,” he replied then watched, with a tender
smile, as she crossed
When Kitty reached her saloon’s front door, she turned back to give Matt one last look then stepped inside; closing and locking the doors behind her.
Taking a deep breath, Kitty raised her hand and knocked on the door. A few moments later, it swung open.
“Hello, Will. Can I come in?”
“Sure,” Stambridge stepped aside and gestured for her to enter his room.
When she reached the centre of the room, Kitty turned to face him. “Will…”
“You don’t have to say it, Kitty. I know the answer, and I can’t say that I am surprised by your decision.”
“I’m sorry, Will.”
Stambridge waved away her apology. “Seeing the two of you last night, only confirmed what I already knew your answer would be.”
“Last night… you saw Matt and I?”
“Yes. I happened to be walking past the Marshal’s office last night.”
“Oh…” a flush swept over Kitty’s face. “Will…”
He cut her off. “A few days of romancing cannot compare to the years you and the Marshal share. I was a fool to think otherwise,” Stambridge said. “And the more I think about it, the more I realize that I never really stood a chance.”
Kitty opened her mouth to speak, but Stambridge shook his head and continued.
“I’m just speaking the truth, Kitty. That first day on the stage, upset as you were with him about the ruined vacation, I could see how you felt about the man,” he turned at the sound of the stage pulling up in front of the boarding house. “That’s my ride.”
Stambridge stepped over to the bed, and picked up his gunbelt from the bed and put it on then reached for his jacket. “Walk out with me?”
He grabbed his bag from the end of the bed. The two of them left the room and made their way down the stairs and out of Ma Smalley’s in silence. When they reached the boardwalk, Stambridge handed up his bag to the driver then turned back to Kitty.
“Are you sure, Kitty?”
“Yes, Will, I am,” Kitty nodded. “In spite of everything… I love him. I have for eighteen years and I don’t think that will ever change.”
“Well, then I wish you nothing but the best, Kitty. I truly mean that.”
“I know you do, Will. Thank you,” Kitty replied then leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you.”
Stambridge gave her a smile then climbed into the stage.
Kitty watched with a bittersweet smile on her face as the stage coach pulled away. Even though she had made her decision the night before, she still felt a touch of sadness at having to turn Will down. He’d been good to her, and she had grown to care for him in the short time he’d paid her court. As she followed it with her eyes, she noticed Matt standing in front of his office. She took a deep breath then walked over to join him.
“You know something,” she began as they both stared after the now departed stage, “I know a lady who could sure use a drink.”
“Well, I know a man that’s ready to buy,” Matt replied, in a voice that let her know he understood how difficult it had been for her to give Stambridge the news.
Kitty turned to look up at him, and gave him a grateful
smile. Without speaking, Matt took her
elbow and together they stepped off the boardwalk. They slipped their arms around each other as
they made their way across
The flames in the fireplace, flickered and danced before her eyes, but she did not notice the ever-changing hues, nor did she hear the popping and cracking of the wood as it burned. Her thoughts were turned inward, ruminating on the events of the last several days.
Kitty loved Matt.
Of that she had no doubts whatsoever. She’d been in love with him for more than half of her life. Yes, there were days when she wished that Matt was something other than the Marshal. But more often than not, she was proud… very proud of him and the badge he wore. So how… how had this happened?
She took a long swallow of brandy and as she continued to stare unseeingly at the fire, Kitty came to the realization that, for the second time in their relationship, she had allowed her anger and disappointment to get the better of her.
“You’re a fool, Kathleen Russell,” she told herself then took another sip of the amber liquid. She sighed and closed her eyes, laying her head against the back of the chair, continuing to silently berate herself for being a fool, and very nearly giving up on the one person who meant more to her than anyone else in the world.
At the sound of the key in the lock, Kitty lifted her head just in time to see the door swing open and reveal the object of her thoughts. She gave Matt a warm smile but did not speak as he took off his hat and hung it on the peg near the door then removed his gunbelt, hanging it up beside the Stetson.
“There’s clean water in the tub,” she told him in a quiet voice as he began to pull off his boots. “It should still be warm if you would like to take a bath; otherwise, there is a pail of water heating if you’d like to just wash up.”
“Thanks, Kitty,” Matt replied as he managed to, finally, tug his right boot off. He left them by the door then headed for the wash room.
Kitty laid her head back against the chair and, hearing the water splash in the tub, realized that Matt had decided on a bath. She closed her eyes and let the familiar sounds wash over her.
It wasn’t until she felt Matt’s arms slide under her and lift her out of the chair, that Kitty realized she’d fallen asleep. Matt gave her a tender smile as he slowly turned and lowered himself into the now vacant chair. Kitty sighed and laid her head on his shoulder and snuggled into his embrace; her fingers playing absently in the soft hair on his chest.
Neither one spoke for several minutes, both of them staring at the fire; lost in their thoughts. Matt reached out and picked up the glass of brandy that Kitty had been drinking and took a swallow, enjoying its slow burn down his throat.
“…Matt?” Kitty began in an uncharacteristically hesitant voice.
“Why aren’t you more upset with me?”
“Do you want me to be?”
“No! But after the way I behaved this last week… you would have every right to be. So… why aren’t you? Any other man would have been,” she said then gave a humourless chuckle. “But then you’re not any other man…”
“I will admit that it wasn’t easy seeing you with him, Kitty.” Matt’s voice was quiet as he admitted to the unwanted jealousy he’d felt.
“I’m sorry, Matt.”
“You have nothing to apologize for.”
“But I do. I was
upset that, yet again, our plans had to be cancelled… and because of that…” her
voice trailed off and she shook her head.
“If only I’d just gone back to Dodge with you and waited out the trial,
then we could have gone on to
She continued to speak. “I was angry and hurt, and a small part of me wanted to hurt you as well,” the tears that had begun to well in her eyes spilled down her cheeks at her admission. “It was like with Ad all over again… oh, Matt… I…”
“Sssh…”Matt’s arms tightened around her. “It’s all right, Kitty… I understand.”
“How can you when I don’t fully understand it!?” Kitty asked, lifting her head to meet his eyes. “I love you, Matt. I love you so much… how… how could I let this happen?”
“It was like you said… you were hurt and angry, and when those emotions take over, it’s hard to think straight.”
“Yeah…” Kitty nodded reluctantly and hung her head.
“Listen to me…” Matt slipped his fingers under her chin and lifted her face. “We can’t change what happened… all we can do is learn from it and move on.” He cupped her cheek and gave her a tender smile. “I am very glad you stayed. I would have understood if you’d chosen to go with him… but I am very glad you chose to stay.”
Kitty nuzzled her cheek into his palm. “My heart had already made its decision before I came to your office, Cowboy. I guess I just needed to hear you tell me to stay…”
Matt brushed his thumb over her lips. “I know, honey.”
Blue met blue as their eyes locked; conveying more with a look than either could ever voice with mere words. They leaned in together, finding the middle ground of contentment in the taste of each other’s lips. It was a gentle kiss, filled with all the love in their hearts; healing the hurts of the last few days.
As slowly as it started, the kiss came to an end. They shared another loving look and then Kitty nestled back into Matt’s embrace, laying her head on his shoulder. Matt rested his cheek against the top of her head and the two sat in a comfortable silence, simply staring at the fire that continued to blaze in the fireplace.
“…Matt…” Kitty murmured in a sleepy voice after a while.
“Mmm?” His head jerked up, snapping him out of the light doze he’d fallen into.
“I think we should go to bed… otherwise we’re going to fall asleep in the chair.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time,” he replied with a hint of amusement.
Kitty smiled against his shoulder. “No… but we’re not as young as we used to be and…” she rubbed her hand over his bare chest, “I would prefer to sleep in our nice comfortable bed.”
“Me too,” Matt said as he slipped his arm beneath his woman’s legs then carefully got to his feet; cradling her against his chest. He carried her over to the bed, laid her down on the mattress then, after removing his pants, slipped under the covers beside her and pulled her back into his arms.
Kitty lifted her head and looked down at him. “Matt… would you mind terribly if we didn’t make love tonight? I’m tired… and… more than anything I just want you to hold me.”
“No, I don’t mind at all,” Matt reached up to brush his fingers over her cheek. “To be honest… I’m a little tired myself.”
Favouring him with a bright smile, Kitty leaned down. “I love you…” she whispered against his lips.
“I love you,” Matt replied as his hand slipped into her hair and drew her mouth down onto his.
They shared a deep loving kiss, pulling apart only when, in spite of their fatigue, it threatened to grow out of control. They smiled at the desire they could see in each other’s eyes and shared another kiss before they settled into each other’s arms. Kitty laid her head on his chest, and her smile grew at the comforting sound of his heart beating beneath her ear. Matt reached out and turned down the lamp then held her close in his embrace.
A low groan broke the silence of the room.
“…Kitty…” Matt moaned her name in a voice thick with desire as he shifted on the bed.
Kitty glanced up and smiled as Matt continued to sleep. She wasn’t quite ready for him to wake up. ‘Almost, but not just yet,’ she thought to herself as she resumed her ministrations.
She’d woken up several minutes earlier, unsure of what had disturbed her sleep until she’d felt the large hand closed around her breast squeeze the full mound just as Matt moaned in her ear. It was then that she had become aware of the hard, insistent, ridge pressing against her back.
At that moment, sleep had become the furthest thing from Kitty’s mind.
She had carefully extracted herself from Matt’s arms then turned so that she was facing him. She ran her eyes down his body, her tongue darting out to moisten her lips as her gaze fell to his impressive erection and she’d reached out to lightly run her finger over his length.
Very gently, Kitty had pushed Matt so that he was lying on his back then shifted lower on the bed so that she was eye level with the object of her desire. She wrapped her hand around his erection and slowly began to stroke him. ‘Silk covered steel,’ Kitty thought, loving the feel of him.
Holding him in her palm, she’d leaned in and ran her tongue up his shaft, from base to tip, then took the head of his arousal between her lips.
“…Kitty…” Matt moaned her name, desire thick in his voice as he shifted on the bed; his low moan breaking the silence in the room.
Kitty glanced up and smiled at Matt, wanting him to sleep just a little longer. She wasn’t quite ready for him to wake up. ‘Almost, but not just yet,’ she thought to herself again as she resumed her ministrations. She took him inside her mouth, consuming almost every inch of him, and sucked gently.
Matt groaned again. He was having the most incredible dream. Kitty was…
His eyes flew open.
He wasn’t dreaming.
Matt watched, enthralled, as Kitty slid him in and out of her mouth. He bit back a moan when she swirled her tongue around him, and caught the small drop at the tip.
Kitty reached down and cupped his balls; gently massaging them in time with the pressures of her lips and tongue.
“Kitty…” Matt groaned at the pleasure that coursed through his body from her expert touch. He closed his eyes, the almost overwhelming sensations overloading his senses, and resisted the urge to begin thrusting into her mouth.
When it became too much… when he felt his release approaching, Matt grasped Kitty’s upper arms and pulled her body up over his.
“Matt!” Kitty exclaimed in startled delight.
“I thought you were tired?” Matt asked in a husky voice as he ran his hands down her back.
“I was…” she answered and dipped her head to nibble at the skin of his neck. “But you had other ideas.”
“Mmhmm…” Kitty murmured against his skin. “Or rather,” she nipped his shoulder, “your body did.”
Matt grasped her hips and thrust up against her. “I was dreaming about you…”
“From the feel of it, it was a good dream.”
“Oh yeah… it was a VERY good dream.”
Kitty pushed up onto her arms and looked down at him. “Why don’t you tell me about it, Cowboy,” a sensuous smile filled her face, “and I’ll see what I can do to make your dream come true.”
Matt’s eyes twinkled and the boyish grin she loved so much spread across his face. “Well… we were kissing.”
“Like this?” Kitty lowered her head and brushed her lips over his.
“This?” Her mouth closed over his and she kissed him hungrily.
Matt slid his hands into her hair, his fingers fisting in her thick locks, and tugged her head up slightly. “Just like this,” he murmured against her lips then pulled her mouth back to his.
The kiss was almost feral as lips parted and tongues met. They dueled, parrying and thrusting, in an imitation of the dance their bodies would soon be making. After long moments, needing some air, Kitty broke off the kiss and began to nibble her way along Matt’s jaw.
“Then… this?” Kitty asked as her lips found a flat male nipple. She sucked the brown bud till it hardened then nipped it with her teeth.
Matt groaned; an inarticulate sound that could have been a yes as Kitty rained kisses over his chest, some chaste, some wet, until she found his other nipple. She pulled it into her mouth and sucked and bit gently at it, his hips lifting against hers in response.
Kitty shifted and began to move lower, her lips and tongue blazing a trail down his stomach, following the lightly sprinkled trail of hair that arrowed down to his groin. She paused when she reached his erection and took him in hand, then began to slowly stroke him.
“And I know I was doing this,” she said with a salacious grin as she lowered her head and took him, as deep as she could, into her mouth.
“…oh god…” Matt ground out between clenched teeth as the sensations moved through his body. He lifted his head from the pillow, the sight of Kitty moving his length in and out of her mouth nearly his undoing. “Kitty…”
Kitty lifted her eyes to meet his. She winked at him as she started to hum softly while she increased the pressure of her mouth, sucking harder on him and swirling her tongue around him in time with the stroking of her hand.
Matt’s head fell to the pillow then shot back up again when he felt her teeth lightly graze his sensitive flesh. He reached out to push back the red curtain of her hair that had fallen with her movements and left his hand to rest on her head.
His hand suddenly fisted in her hair and Kitty felt his body shudder beneath her. She smiled around him.
“I know,” she murmured, and ran her lips and tongue down his shaft, her free hand slipping between his legs to cup and massage his balls. Another shudder went through him and his fingers clenched in her thick auburn tresses as she closed her mouth around him again.
She could hear the desperation in his voice and with a final hard suck on his erection; Kitty released him. She crawled up so that she was crouching over him, her nipples through the satin of her nightgown, the only part of her body touching his.
Their eyes met, and Kitty was pleased to see his passion filled blue eyes grow even darker with desire as she lowered her head to brush a soft kiss over his lips. She repeated the move several times, giving him light airy kisses, until Matt reached up to cup the back of her head and hold her mouth against his, kissing her hard.
Suddenly, Kitty broke off the kiss and pushed herself up so that she was straddling Matt’s hips. She laid her hands on his chest, her fingers playing in the soft swirls of hair.
“If we’re still fulfilling my dream,” Matt began in a voice rough with need, “I would like to point out that, in this dream, you weren’t wearing a nightgown.”
“Is that a fact?” Kitty asked with a twinkle in her eye.
“That’s a fact, honey.”
Kitty laughed and reached down to gather up her negligee. She drew the satiny material up over her head and tossed it to the floor; baring herself to his heated gaze. “Better?”
“Much,” Matt replied as he reached out to hold the weight of her breasts in his hands. His thumbs circled her nipples, teasing them into hard points.
“Mmm…” she moaned softly and arched into his touch.
As Matt continued to knead and squeeze her breasts, Kitty leaned forward, bracing herself on one hand and reached down between their bodies with the other. She lifted her hips as she wrapped her fingers around his shaft. Kitty held him steady as she slowly sank down, sheathing his length within her warm, wet depths.
They moaned simultaneously.
“Oooh… oh you feel good,” Kitty told him as she circled her hips against him, glorying in the feel of him inside her.
In response, Matt slid his hands from her breasts, along her sides to her back and drew her down to him. He kissed her hungrily as he trailed his fingers over Kitty’s spine to her rear. His large hands cupped the firm cheeks of her bottom and, bending his knees slightly for leverage, thrust up into her.
Gasping out of the kiss, Kitty pushed herself up on her arms and looked down at Matt. Their gazes locked as Kitty began to move on him, raising and lowering her hips, moving his member in and out of her body in a steady rhythm.
Matt’s hands clenched on her rear, guiding her movements, as he began to move with her, lifting his hips to meet every downward thrust of her hips. His eyes dropped to her chest, watching the generous mounds bounce and sway with her movements. Unable to help himself, Matt lifted his head and caught one of the taut tips in his mouth and sucked hard.
“Oh, Matt…” Kitty moaned.
Matt released her nipple and smiled up at her as she rose, sitting up fully on him. His hands slid from her rear to grasp her hips. “Ride me, Kitty…” Matt told her in a husky voice.
“With pleasure, Cowboy…” Kitty replied and with a heated look, she began to do just that.
She rode him hard, sliding his hardened shaft in and out of her slick passage, grinding her pelvis against his, the pressure sending a myriad of sensations coursing up through her body.
Kitty’s head fell back and she panted for breath as she felt her release approaching. “…Matt… I… oh, Matt!” She inhaled sharply when she felt a long finger slip between her swollen folds to rub her clit. “Yes… oh yes… just like… oh god, MATT!” Kitty cried out his name as he increased the pressure on the sensitive bundle of nerves, causing her orgasm to rush over her; the pleasure stampeding through her body.
She collapsed onto his chest, her body still shuddering from the sensations.
Matt wrapped his arms around her and rolled them, pinning Kitty to the bed. He rose up; bracing himself on his arms and pulled out until only the tip still parted her lips. With a whisper of her name, he plunged forward, seating himself completely with one thrust.
“…mmm…” Kitty moaned as he began to move.
Unable to hold back, the need to find his own release in her body almost overwhelming him, Matt drove himself into her. Over and over he thrust his length into her silky depths, pushing deeper and deeper with every plunge.
Kitty wrapped her legs around him, her fingers raking down his back as she urged him on, feeling the tension rising once again in her own body. “Come for me, Cowboy…” she whispered in a throaty voice and began to clench her inner walls around him. “…come…”
“…Kitty…” Matt groaned and increased the force of his stroke, moving in and out of her willing body with a fierce determination until he was groaning and panting for breath. All of a sudden, he slammed into her and held still, calling out her name as he came; his juices leaving his body in hot jets.
“Matt!” Kitty gasped as a second orgasm washed over her on the heels of Matt’s release. Her body shuddered beneath his as he collapsed into her embrace. “Mmm… oh, Matt…” she murmured against his ear.
Matt pressed a series of soft kisses over the damp skin of her throat and along her jaw until he reached her mouth. He gave her a loving kiss as he rolled so that Kitty lay sprawled over him, their bodies still intimately connected. When their lips finally parted, Matt reached up and tucked a lock of auburn hair behind her ear.
No words were necessary between them. Not now. Not in this moment. Their eyes spoke all the emotions in their hearts.
With a tender smile, Kitty settled into Matt’s embrace, laid her head on his shoulder and burrowed her face in his neck. She inhaled deeply, filling her senses with his beloved scent, and once more berated herself for even thinking of giving this up.
“Matt?” She whispered some time later.
“I just want you to know… I never… that is, Will and I… we never…”
“I know, Kitty.”
“I know you,” Matt said simply.
Kitty smiled and pressed a kiss to his chest. “I love you, Matt.”
“I love you too, Kitty.” Matt told her and tightened his arms around her. “So, are those scales still out of whack?”
Kitty lifted her head to gaze down at him, her smile reaching all the way to her eyes. “Oh no, Cowboy…” she leaned in and brushed her lips over his, “those scales are all balanced now.” Kitty kissed him again. “All balanced…” she murmured into his mouth.